HomeArticlesAre Safe Spaces Really Safe? | We the Internet TV
Are Safe Spaces Really Safe? | We the Internet TV
November 18, 2019
music This is David. Today David is graduating from college. So why isn’t he at the ceremony? Because there’s no telling what the commencement speaker might say! It might make David feel unsafe.
That’s why David’s been in the campus “Safe Place.” Drinking juice, playing with dolls,
and what’s that you have there, David? Why, it’s my senior thesis of course! Look! I got a gold star! You sure did, David. The graduation ceremony just finished so that means you are officially a college grad. Really? You mean it? I sure do. Yay! Now it’s time for you
to move on into the real world. I can’t wait to check out all the safe places in the real world. There must be so many! Unfortunately, David, there are no safe places in the real
world. W-what? That’s right. The real world has all sorts of crazy, scary, and rational ideas that you don’t agree with. How could that be?! You’re fibbing. I am not. Are you scared, David? Well if there are no safe places outside of college, how else will I protect myself from the ideas I disagree with? I’m so happy you asked. You are? I sure am. Because I get to tell you all about Safe Place and Associates. Safe Place and Associates? Well that sounds safe! Oh it’s the safest! Safe Place and Associates provides protective services for college graduates so they never have to engage with ideas they find disagreeable, mean, or just too hard
to understand. I’m searching the world wide web. I think. But every website I come across
is blacked out! That’s for your own protection, David. Pro-Tect-ion? That’s right. The world wide web can be a scary place but Safe Place and Associates will blackout any site that challenges your strongly held beliefs no matter how shallow they are. That way, you’ll never
mistakenly stumble upon a new argument or idea! Hey look! It’s my Facebook page! It has everything
I agree with right in front of me! I love my friends, but what if they bring up something
I don’t agree with? Should I just, run away? Run away? No way! Who the hell are you talking to? Before your conversation starts, David, try on this SP and A helmet. What? Agh! Sure is pretty tight! Ahh, it’s squeezing my head! That’s for your own good, David. Now anytime
a friend brings up a sensitive topic or expresses a differing opinion, your SP and A helmet’s
built-in headphones will automatically start playing sounds to drown out their voice. That’s so cool! It’ll be like the conversation never happened Because it never did. How does it look? You look really stupid. (jumbled sounds, lambs) hahaha! music I don’t know about this. I mean just walking down the street I’m bound to encounter something that offends me. Agh! Don’t be afraid. Agh! Safe Place and Associates has taken care of that too! Just put on these SPA sunglasses. Aah! Like this? Let us wipe away all disagreeable billboards. Street names. And of course, people and vehicles from your field of vision. I feel so safe now! Let’s go make a friend, Mr. Raccoon! (Cars honking, traffic sounds, swerving cars) (doorbell) Dad! Where’s Mom? Some men in suits came and took your mother away I don’t know where. They beat me pretty bad. (safe space sounds, garbled noise, lambs) Mom! Where’s Mom!? She wasn’t SAFE for you, David. You took my mom? She had other ideas. She had to go. They all have to go! Dad! Dad!!! It’s the only way you’ll ever be in a truly safe place, David. But who’s going to pay my student loans? Can you make those disappear too? Sorry, kid. That’s where you’re on your own. (Sobbing) I can’t do this! Safe Place and Associates. Because the world is safer when you hide from it.